I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.