You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.