We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.