I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I drink to make other people more interesting.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.