I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.