He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.