I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.