I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.