I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I'm single because I was born that way.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.