I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.