Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.