It is better to be alone than in bad company.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.