Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.