Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.