This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'