I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I drink to make other people more interesting.