There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.