I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.