The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.