Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.