I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!