I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.