All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.