Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.