You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.