To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps