I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.