If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?