Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.