Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.