Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.