I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?