Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.