If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.