It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?