The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Men are as faithful as their options.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?