We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.