I'm single because I was born that way.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.