I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.