The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.