I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?