If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.