If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.