You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?