My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?