I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.