No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I'm single because I was born that way.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.