Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.