I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.