Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm single because I was born that way.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.