But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!