I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.