Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.