This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.