I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.