Sex is an emotion in motion.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!