What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I'm single because I was born that way.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.