I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.