Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.