If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.