Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.