I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.