I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.