A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

No good deed goes unpunished.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.