Men are as faithful as their options.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.