In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?