Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.