My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm single because I was born that way.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.