I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.