If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.